jekka_lg (jekka_lg) wrote in creative_minds,

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Same song, different day.

Hi, everyone. New here, so I thought I'd just post the first blog I wrote here. Hope that's okay.

So. Where to begin?
I suppose I should introduce myself.
My name is Jessica, and I suffer from extreme depression/anxiety and agoraphobia. For those of you unfamiliar with agoraphobia, it is a condition that basically boils down to a fear of open/public spaces. I was unable to even leave my home for years. I was truly on the verge of suicide towards the end because I just could not do it anymore. I recently went to a hospital and sought help. I am now about to start out-patient treatments for my condition so things are really starting to look up. I was also a victim of the flood that happened here in Louisiana recently. Lost EVERYTHING. Not helpful in terms of recovery but I am coping as best I can.

I think the hardest part is just trying to socially interact with the world again. It's extremely hard for me to even talk to people. And the worst part? I used to be a writer. Everyone that knew me- friends, family, and random people that read my work- really thought that was what I would end up doing for a living. Since the depression set in I have not written word in almost 7 years. THIS is the first time I have written anything since then, so please excuse this poor first attempt.

People like to look at those like me and say, "Suck it up. Go outside. Be happy."
Well. You might as well tell someone that was just shot to "Suck it up and stop bleeding." Mind over matter will only take you so far unless you get actual help. I am hoping this is a good start for me.. so fingers crossed. I just want my life back.

I want to be the person who could laugh easily and freely. I want to be the person who could sit and write for hours at a time with no thought; just letting the words flow from my mind to my fingers. It use to be so easy.

To anyone suffering from these things, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I think that's the best introduction I can do for now. Until next time.

Jessica G.
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